We’re back to talking about the First Branch of the Mabinogi, continuing with Pwyll’s tale. This time it’s about his wedding to his wife Rhiannon and how he almost fucked it up.

We start with Pwyll at his court. He’s having a pretty good time when he decides to go out for a walk around this nearby mound called Garsedd Arberth. As he’s heading out, one of his courtiers tells him that people who go to the mound either see something totally awesome, or get horribly maimed. You know, one of the two.

Pwyll’s like, “Cool, I’ll let you know which of those happens,” and heads out. Thankfully for him, instead of horrible injury, he sees a hot lady riding a horse. Which, for him at least, definitely falls into the “something awesome” category.

Naturally, he wants to talk to her, but instead of heading down himself, he sends one of his men to try and intercept her. This fails because the woman always outpaces whoever he sends after her, all without going above a trot. So either this woman is otherworldly in some fashion, or Pwyll gives his mean some really shitty horses. It should be noted that it’s clearly the former.

Either way, Pwyll decides that if he wants this done right he’ll have to do it himself and rides after her. She actually allows him to catch up to her, since he’s the one she actually wants to talk to.

She gets into why she’s here: her name is Rhiannon, her dad Hyfaidd Hen wants her to marry this other dude name Gwawl and she’s super not into him, and she’d really rather marry Pwyll because she’s heard he’s super rad. Pwyll responds, “Sure, I’ll marry you, hot lady I just met,” and the two make plans to meet up at her father’s place for the wedding feast in about a year.

So the year comes and Pwyll heads to Hyfaidd Hen’s place for the feast. Everyone’s having a pretty good time when this dude comes in and asks for a boon. Pwyll is in a pretty good mood, and says, “Sure, I can give you whatever.” Presumably during this, Rhiannon is kicking him under the table, because the guy turns out to be Gwawl who immediately asks for Rhiannon.

Rhiannon’s like, “Smooth move, Ex-Lax. What’re you gonna do for an encore, shit your pants?” Then she turns to Gwawl and asks for another year to prepare for their own feast. Gwawl leaves, and Rhiannon lays out the plan for Pwyll.

So, during the feast Pwyll is going to barge in disguised as a beggar and ask for a boon from Gwawl. She knows that he’s going to grant it, so that boon is going to be as much food as can fit inside a bag she’s going to give him. Joke on Gwawl, though, because it’s a bag of holding, so it’s never full. At that point, Pwyll is supposed to say that the only way the bag will be full is if a nobleman steps inside and tamps it down. When he gets in the bag to do it, Pwyll closes the bag over his head and he and his men beat the shit out of him.

The plan goes off without a hitch, and they manage to extract a promise from Gwawl that he’ll leave Rhiannon alone in exchange for his life. Pwyll and Rhiannon are then properly married, and the two live happily ever after.

Well, up until Rhiannon is accused of eating her baby, but that’s a story for another time. In the meantime, I leave you with this:

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