So, today I’ve decided to veer off from Irish mythology and go back to Greek mythology to tell you all about the time Ares got stuck in a jar for a year.

It’s actually kind of a a funny story.

Before we get into Ares’s jar shenanigans, we have to talk about two dudes called the Aloadae. The Aloadae, a pair of giants named Ephiatles and Otos, are the giant sons of Iphimedia by way of Poseidon. Because of course they are, because Poseidon and Zeus are responsible for about half of ancient Greece’s population. They are called Aloadae after Iphimedia’s actual husband, Aloeus.

So one day the two decide that they want to get hitched. But not just anyone will do, no: they want to marry goddesses. Not just any goddesses, though: Otos wants Artemis, and Ephialtes wants to marry Hera. Which I’m sure is something that will end very well for the two of them.

Spoiler: it does not.

Besides their respective goddesses being either taken or specifically not into dudes, there’s another little problem: getting to Olympus to abduct them in the first place. They manage to solve this little issue by stacking a bunch of mountains that they can climb up to get to the summit.

It doesn’t take long for the gods to realize what’s happening and go on the offensive. In the confusion, the two giants grab the first Olympian that they come across and run off.

Unfortunately for them, they managed to grab the war god Ares. Who they proceed to unceremoniously stuff into a giant jar that they chain shut.

And there he stays for a full 13 months, at least until the Aloadae’s stepmother, Eriboea, manages to get words to the gods that her stepkids have him.

Now it’s up to Hermes and Artemis to go and launch an intrepid rescue. So they head off to the giant’s house and Artemis distracts them by going up to Otos and being like, “Guess who?” This causes Ephialtes to become very jealous, and the two fight. Hermes takes Ares out of the jar, and Artemis turns into a deer and jumping between them. The two, trying to take out the deer, end up killing each other instead.

So they three of them head back to Olympus, and a good time is had by all.