Today’s story is probably going to sound familiar to you if you’re a fan of early 90s Arnold Schwarzanegger movies. That story is “We Can Remember It For You Wholesale,” by the hilariously named Phillip K Dick.

So let’s dive in, shall we?

We start off with this dude named Douglas Quaid, who lives in THE FUTURE. We aren’t really given a year or anything, it’s just some time later than the time we’re living in now. Though the story was published in 1966, so it could take place in 1998. Was pretty smart for Mr. Dick to not name a year, though; it avoids problems like the Eugenics War in Star Trek.

Anyway, Quaid isn’t super happy with his life as a clerk and really, really wants to go to Mars. There’s a couple of issues here: 1) going to Mars is stupidly expensive and largely limited to government personnel, and 2) his wife is suuuuuuuuuuper bitchy and keeps shooting down his ideas. Yeah, Dick was, like many writers of his era, kind of bad at writing women. At least, not as walking stereotypes.

Quaid comes up with a solution to this issue, though, and that is through a company called Rekal. And some of you have probably figured out which movie I was talking about in the introduction. Anyway, Rekal offers packages where people can have memories implanted in their brains, which is perfect for people who can’t afford vacations. They even go so far as to plant souvenirs in people’s houses and wipe the memory of the procedure.

So Quaid heads over to the Rekal building, where he talks to the very helpful receptionist. Dick really wants you to know that she’s naked from the waist up, except for body paint. Because why not.

Quaid gets set up and discusses the whole thing with McClane, the guy in charge. Then he goes to get the procedure done, and McClane starts arranging for a variety of Martian knickknacks around to place around his apartment. This is interrupted by a tech calling him to say that they have a slight problem.

See, the sedation has knocked some things loose from Quaid’s memory, and it turns out that he’s actually been to Mars before. As a government spy. McClane decides that he’s not touching this shit with a 10-foot pole, tells the techs to stop, and that they’ll refund him half his money. Then they stuff him in a cab to send him home.

Quaid, at first, thinks that he’s just come back from Mars, but is disabused of this notion upon finding his partial refund in an envelope in his pocket. This causes him to remember Rekal, and this, combined with the fact that his memories are hazy, which causes him to believe that the procedure didn’t take. He then calls his wife to tell her about his trip/simulated memories, but she assumes he’s drunk and hangs up on him. Incensed, Quaid heads back to Rekal to demand that they give him the rest of his money back.

The receptionist tries to distract him with flirting, but he won’t be swayed and goes to talk to McClane. Backed into a corner, McClane agrees to refund the rest of his fee, then tells him not to talk about his Mars visit with anyone.

Quaid is confused, but McClane isn’t inclined to discuss it any further and dismisses him. Quaid returns to a home that basically looks how he left it, except for one thing.

There’s a box filled with some small bits of Martian wildlife in a drawer. that should not be there.

At this point, his wife comes home. The two have yet another argument over Quaid’s supposed trip, which ends in her leaving him. He’s not alone for too long, however, because a pair of government agents enter and put a gun to his head.

See, it’s not very good for them that Quaid’s remembering his little trip, because Quaid wasn’t just a spy. He also assassinated a dude, and Earth’s government would really not like that to get out. Oh, they also put a telepathic transmitter in his head, so this is how they know all this. They also know that they’re going to have to kill him.

This is when Quaid’s training kicks in, and he uses it to escape.

While he’s running around, the agents try to bargain with him through the transmitter. He asks him if they can just erase the memory again, but the agent tells him that if they do, they’ll eventually run into the same problem. Eventually, they come to a compromise: Quaid will turn himself in, and they’ll try to see if they can implant another memory of something he’s always fantasized about, that has nothing to do with Mars.

So he does, and he finds himself back at Rekal. He works with a psychologist to find an appropriate daydream, which turns out to be Quaid making first contact with an alien species as a child. Because of his kindness, the aliens have decided that they shall spare Earth for as long as he’s alive.

With that set up, Quaid is sedated, and McClane discusses with his receptionist what they’d need to plant to back up the memories. Then McClane gets a call from the tech again, telling him they’ve run into another problem.

Yeah, it turns out that Quaid’s fantasy is also something that actually happened. Which means that the government can’t kill him now, at least not without destroying the planet.

So, have you figured out the movie this served as the basis for? I’ll just go ahead and tell you: it was the 1990 Paul Verhoeven film Total Recall, as well as the less well received 2012 remake. I have not seen either version of the film and mostly know about it through cultural osmosis, but my understanding is that it takes some liberties with the text. For example, I don’t believe that the film ends the same way as the story.

I, personally, found the story pretty engaging, at least until the end. I think the whole thing where this other, self-aggrandizing fantasy turns out to be true was a little silly, and kind of clashed with the tone set in the rest of the story. Also, I think the title is kind of dumb, but that really goes for a lot of Phillip K. Dick’s stories. He was an excellent writer, but not so great at the titling.

Seriously, Total Recall is so much better of a title.

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