So, there are at least two gods in the Greek pantheon who were birthed by, of all people, Zeus, in kind of weird or esoteric ways. One of them was Dionysus, who got sown into Zeus’s thigh (or groin, depending on who you ask) as a fetus after Zeus accidentally vaporized his mom. The other one, and the one that most people probably know, is Athena.

The title probably gives away the outcome here, huh. Anyway, let’s talk about that for a bit.

So, first we need some backstory, which involves the Hellenistic creation myth. I’m not going to get into that whole mess here, but to start off we have Cronus, who, along with his Titan siblings, overthrew their father, the sky god Ouranos. And cut off his balls. Then there’s a prophecy that Cronus will be overthrown by one of his own children. So he does what anyone would do in this situation.

He eats the children one by one as his wife/sister, Rhea, popped them out.

Eventually, though, Rhea gets a bit sick of Cronus’s cannibalistic shennanigans, and takes her youngest son, Zeus to be raised by their mother Gaia. Then she wraps a rock up in a blanket and gives that to Cronus instead. Cronus, apparently not knowing the difference between a rock and a baby, consumes it with gusto.

So, some times passes and Zeus grows up into the god we all know and love, and he then starts to plan his revenge on Cronus. To do this, he teams up with an oceanid named Metis, whose name means “wisdom” or “skill.” This will become rather important later. First, however, they need to save Zeus’s siblings, who are all still trapped in Cronus’s stomach.

I mean, you’d think he’d have pooped them all out by now, but apparently gods/Titans work differently. Also, gross.

And how do they do this, you might ask? They poison him and he throws up all the rest of the Olympians. Which, again, gross. Then he frees Ouranos and Gaia’s other groups of kids, the Cyclopes and the Hekatonkheires, to help wage war against the Titans. The Cyclopes are pretty self-explanatory, basically being big dudes with one eye. They forged Zeus’s lightning bolts. Then there’s the Hekatonkheires, which were giants with 100 arms and 50 heads. Their contribution was just flat-out wrecking the Titans’ collective shit.

Yeah, the Olympians won that particular battle.

So, with that all settled, Zeus and Metis settle down together and Zeus knocks her up. Then, wouldn’t you know, it, Zeus gets a prophecy that, you guessed it, he’s going to have a kid even cleverer than him who’ll overthrow him. Zeus reacts to this completely logically: by tricking Metis into turning into a fly and eating her.

Like father, like son I guess?

Anyway, this winds up having some kind of unpleasant consequences for him. Basically, some time later Zeus develops an absolutely bonkers headache. Think migraine times a million. It’s so bad, in fact, that he bashes his head open to relieve the pressure.

And out pops Athena, goddess of wisdom, fully armored and armed.

Let me repeat that: Zeus. Gave birth. To a full grown woman. In full battle armor. Complete with a spear and shield.

It’s really a good thing he’s immortal, huh.